One of the most difficult growth processes in my Christian walk has been telling other people how I feel when their behavior affects me negatively. When the actions of someone else hurt, irritate, offend, or cause some other difficulty for me, I tend to make excuses for not confronting them. I say to myself “I’m wrong — I’m not being Christ like —they won’t listen — I’m afraid — they don’t care — I’ll hurt their feelings — they will reject me — I can’t find the right words or the right time — I’ll only make it worse — on and on.

I’ve discovered some verses that describe perfectly the turmoil that goes on in my brain, and they also offer the solution.

Psalm 32 says, “Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile. When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long.” (v. 2-3) I wondered how I could both keep silence and roar at the same time. Here’s how — when I have “stuffed” my feelings and not spoken to the offender (kept silence) I find I can’t get quiet before the Lord. As soon as I begin to read my Bible or pray, a hoard of thoughts “roar” into my brain and I can’t concentrate on anything but my resentments. I have endless conversations in my mind with myself and with the “tormentor” who has treated me so unfairly. The more I do this, the more I withdraw my love from that person. The Lord has helped me to see that when I withhold love from my brother and am not honest with him, (guile) it becomes sin in me.

“For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah. I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.” (v. 4-5) When I bring my problem out in the open by talking to the one who has hurt me, I have thrown wide the door of my heart to both give and receive healing and forgiveness. And, as far as it lies with me, I have cleared up things between the Lord and me. I have learned to speak the truth in love.